drblaine:

mothafickle asked you: the story of kurt and blaine, as told by their pet cat.

Hello, my name is Benjamin, and this is the two hundredth day of my captivity. The humans have taken to calling me Sprinkles. My name is not Sprinkles. I do not answer to Sprinkles. I would piss in their shoes if it wasn’t so unsanitary.

The human with the strange hair seems to think that I am a dog. He keeps throwing toys and telling me to fetch. I do not fetch. I observe. I nap. Fetching is not in my job description. 

I don’t mind the other human nearly as much. He is the one who cleans up my poo, so there is a certain level of respect to be had there. He doesn’t like when I nap in his closet, but I don’t like living in their apartment. Everyone has their cross to bear. 

The humans make strange sounds at night. I think they are in pain, but I can’t be sure. I should probably investigate. After my nap, of course. 

My slave quarters are acceptable for now, but I am still planning my escape. I’m thinking about Peru.